Iā€™m on a pl(ain)ane

The finest day that I’ve ever had

Was when I learned to cry on command

Later in my twenties I felt like I understood this lyric. It reminds me of the day that the profound sadness that permeated everything on the surface was not what I was supposed to be feeling.

That didn’t make it less comfortable, though. You can hear about that in Frances Farmer two (?) records later.


Sometimes I Feel Embarrassed, and Other Times I Feel Insightful

Now and then I come across old (very old) emails, or notes I wrote long ago and I am often a little embarrassed by what I was thinking at that moment, or at least in how I went about communicating something to another person. I often feel like if I ran into myself as I was 15 years ago today I’d punch myself in the nose. ((Having said that, I think I’d probably want to punch myself in the nose if I ran into myself as I am today more often than not.))

But tonight I found something I wrote that is admittedly a little abrupt and dismissive about a horrific event, but also managed to remind me about something beautiful blooming from the shadows it cast.

Originally written September 25th, 2001