Shut up, Alex Jones

In the aftermath of the Boston Marathon bombings this week, there are of course the usual numbers of adorable little wingnuts gathered around the trough of derp at Free Republic, FOX Nation, and of course,

The latest in a series of shocking exposés into our shadow government and false flags designed to allow our Kenyan Muslim President to confiscate “are freedoms” suggests that Navy SEALs were involved, because as we all know, the United States Navy sends their best and brightest to fascist dictator summer camp and trains them to worship President Obama as a God and kill Americans at his command. The entire notion is complete and utter horseshit, but using credible sources like 4chan and a copy of MS-Paint, the crack squad of investigators at has put together some fascinating evidence that the mouth-breathing brigade takes as unimpeachable:

What an Alex Jones evidence locker might contain, along with some brilliant insight from the mind of a great American, and what surely must be at least a dozen voices in his head

Fascinating. He’s found some images mocked up from a website that is absolutely legendary for being the ground zero of all that is Internet Trolling, and cribs from that for his tinfoil hat-wearing hillfolk. But I did a little sleuthing of my own to debunk this so-called theory and find the real culprit using the same tactics Alex Jones would use.

I went to Google Image Search and uploaded a screengrab of the skull logo that was overlaid as evidence that the so-called suspects in the so-called damning photographic evidence that Navy SEALs were involved, and goddammit if I wasn’t surprised to learn that it wasn’t Navy SEALs at all, but a vigilante FBI agent named Frank Castle.

Google Image Search

It turns out that this fellow even has a bit of a following and some comic books written about him; making him something of a folk hero for nerds everywhere. He even has one of those cool names like computer hackers have: the Punisher.

Not only is this malcontent the subject of many comic books, he was even depicted in a major motion picture, further eroding Alex Jones’ claim that these men are SEALs or CIA operatives, because as you can clearly read in the classified dossier I found online of this man, he is FBI.

What a dossier might look like

It is with great humility I submit to the sophisticated readers of the identity of our assailant. Please do not engage this individual in one-to-one combat, even though you are no doubt carrying numerous firearms. Instead, you should seek shelter and contact Spider Man or Commissioner Gordon at the Gotham City Police Department.

What a worthy adversary might look likeContact this man for help

You can run, but you can’t hide, “Punisher”.